Artemis Fowl Review

Now I would like to start off this review with a disclaimer. I have not read the books, I didn’t have any preconceived expectations or notions on what this movie was about so what I say is only a comment on the movie as a single and separate entity.


With that being said, what on earth did I just watch? I’m not sure if I can really say anything nice about this movie because even the highlight of the whole ordeal (Josh Gad) was still a whole lot of cringe. I am honestly glad that this movie was just released on Disney+ due to COVID-19 so I didn’t have to waste money seeing it in the cinema.

Seriously, when I found out that this movie had a budget of $125 million I was shocked, where did all that money go? Because it wasn’t on the CGI and it wasn’t on the screenwriting. This one of the cheapest movies that I have watched in a very long time. I found myself often considering just turning it off and being done with Artemis Fowl altogether.

The CGI was so unforgivably bad, it was like watching something from the mid to late 2000s, not at all the quality one would expect in this era of filmmaking. 

So when I say that there was no redeeming feature of this film, I mean it. The story was so convoluted and confusing that when it came to the end of the movie I was left scratching my head and asking “Was that it?” it was a lot of loops only to get from A to B. Next was the completely unnatural and unbelievable performance from everyone involved. It’s almost as if Judy Dench has lost the love of acting since she performed in the equally atrocious Cats. Personally I should have expected that this was going to be a mess of a movie as soon as I saw that Colin Farrell’s name was on the cast list. I feel I can count on one hand where he’s acted in a good movie.

Now excuse me while I go educate myself with the source material, wash the sin that was watching this film away and no doubt gain an even more scathing perspective on what this absolute waste of time was.


Final Rating: 2/10